carousel

When I was a kid I loved carousels. They no longer hold the same magic for me that they once did. No longer is it a mythical adventure on my magic steed (the land or sea variety). No, now it's just perpetual circular rotation...no destination, you end where you begin. I feel that's what my life is right now and I'd like to get off of the ride.

Most nights I sigh with relief, "ahhh got through that day." Then I realize that it will all start over again the next day...perpetual circular motion...I hate it.

I want change but what?? That's the question(s) I don't know the answer to. When I was fed up with my old job I had a list of dream ideals for my new job, I don't have that this time. There are only three things I know I want and routinely fantasize about.

1. Marriage

2. Motherhood

3. Living in Western Europe for at least 2 years

I have no idea how to make these things happen. Well except #2, I am an expert on the kama sutra afterall. I'm just not willing to do it without #1, I blame Mormonism 101 for that.

by the way, i took the above picture.

What a week.

Last Saturday, July 11th, started out quite lovely with a bike ride and frolicking at the beach. The fun continued that night with improv at Upright Citizens Brigade and dinner at Birds for Chelsea's birthday. Then this happened:

A guy going 30-40 mph ran a red light and slammed right into us...I don't think he ever even hit the brakes. I saw it coming but couldn't process everything in time to warn Chelsea, the most I could get out was, "car" and then I braced myself for impact . A few seconds went by (felt like an eternity) with nothing happening and I honestly began to think, "maybe he'll miss us" and then BAM. I felt the whole side of the car caving in. I couldn't move at all for 20 to 30 seconds after because I hurt too much, which again was scary. Thank goodness for side air bags.

One of the cops teasingly said he spent $15,000.00 on his teeth (don't recall how this came up in conversation). I then accused him of vying for a spot on the next recruitment poster.

I then asked him if I could get in his back seat. What can I say his teeth were pretty brilliant and I can never pass up a photo op.

The night ended with Katie patiently waiting with me at Cedars Sinai. I left with a neck brace and prescriptions for vicodin, ibuprofen and a muscle relaxant. I really wanted to ask Katie to take a picture of me with my neck brace on but didn't want her to think I was a photo whore.

By the way, no worries everyone, I am fine. By now even my two chipped teeth have been taken care of.

The rest of this week has been spent at building a biplane, at doctors appointments and I started my massage class, which I loved.

I am exhausted.

thank you bobby brown

An actual exchange I had at a club tonight:

guy: "where are you going?"
me: "over there."
guy: "why?"
me: "it's my prerogative."

Iran

To the people of Iran.

I support you and am proud of you. I am a firm believer in the right to protest. Thank you for your demonstrations and protests. Thank you for providing me an opportuinty to get to know you and your country a little bit better. I hope the violence may end soon and that you will one day feel you have received what you are asking for.

For additional images:

http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2009/06/irans_presidential_election.html

http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2009/06/irans_disputed_election.html

http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2009/06/irans_continued_election_turmo.html

http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2009/06/a_troubled_week_in_iran.html

gaping hole

When I was younger and my siblings would come home from college for the weekend/breaks/holidays I would get so excited. On the flip side when they left I would start bawling. No matter how much I tried to stop it I couldn't. I have a hard time saying goodbyes.

Most of you know that both of my parents have passed away and it feels like there is a big gaping hole in my heart and in my life. Losing both of them is something I anticipated for quite some time and tried my best to prepare for it but I never thought it would be this hard.

I've always been a fan of time, no matter what you do it just keeps on going. That aspect of time always brought me such relief and comfort. No longer do I feel this way. Time has become an enemy. The more time passes the more people I lose and the more time continues to pass the more people I'm going to lose. This bit of reality makes everything in me want to shut down. Oh but good ol' Father Time doesn't stop there not only does he steal people but he steals your memories. I realized this week that I don't remember what my dad's laugh sounds like. How can I not remember such an integral part of him? I feel like I'm betraying him.

How could they both be gone? I don't understand it. I can't comprehend it. I look at pictures of them and I am just baffled. It's so confusing to look at pictures of people who lived on this Earth, who created lives and a family and then they are just gone. You can't call them on the phone, you can't ask them for advice or seek comfort from them, you don't have a home to go to. When you wonder where a certain picture, artifact, book etc is and realize it's probably at your parent's house but you can't go and get it because everything's been cleared out. If I or my siblings aren't in possession of it then it's gone forever because everything else has been thrown away. How can two people's lives disappear so quickly?

I was going to attach a picture but don't know what happened to the one digitized photo I had of them.

cannabi

perhapse this movie needs to be re-released with all this talk of legalizing mj.

RAISINS!!!

I die laughing everytime.

http://www.thesneeze.com/2007/raisins-2007.php