Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Jesus Gave Me A Tap Out

Today is a day I am teetering between wanting to cry because I feel like the absolute most worst person in the world and wanting to rip people's heads off because they are absolute morons. All the while I am stuffing my face with See's candy* (thanks for that pound box Amy the 10 or so pieces I've had today are really putting me on the marriage track).

I feel like Chunk from Goonies:  "At 9:05 wished ill will on a loved one. At 9:05:32 envisioned exclaiming "nah na na na na" with relish. At 9:10 jealousy and envy burned within me. At 9:10:01 realized these are the reasons why no one loves me. WAAAAHHHH."

"Have I done any good in the world today?" NO! Strike me down Jesus. Strike me down! I am not of Thy flock...Lament. Lament. LAAAAment.

Instead Jesus gave me a tap out.

The Trouble With Coupons  from Hyperbole and a Half

Now I love me some coupons but there is a place and a time. I once got asked out on date with the line, "I have a coupon we can use." I also once got a coupon for Ralph's as a Secret Santa Gift. I was pissed.

That being said, I really really really want to see someone give a stripper a coupon for Applebee's.

*The See's Candy box is now empty. Emptying it was my only solution for implementing damage control.
**I didn't eat it all today. I've been nursing the box since last week. Is it too late? Did I chase all the men away?? Anyone? Anyone? 


AmyJune said...

We ate our entire box in one day. So at least you aren't as gross as us.

Alysha said...

That's the trouble with chocolate... but I do always feel somewhat better after a good chocolate binge. And you still have sexy legs in spite of See's :)

Diane Conn said...

Asking someone out with a coupon sounds like something my brother would do.
Thanks for the laugh!

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