Jesus Gave Me A Tap Out

Today is a day I am teetering between wanting to cry because I feel like the absolute most worst person in the world and wanting to rip people's heads off because they are absolute morons. All the while I am stuffing my face with See's candy* (thanks for that pound box Amy the 10 or so pieces I've had today are really putting me on the marriage track).

I feel like Chunk from Goonies:  "At 9:05 wished ill will on a loved one. At 9:05:32 envisioned exclaiming "nah na na na na" with relish. At 9:10 jealousy and envy burned within me. At 9:10:01 realized these are the reasons why no one loves me. WAAAAHHHH."

"Have I done any good in the world today?" NO! Strike me down Jesus. Strike me down! I am not of Thy flock...Lament. Lament. LAAAAment.

Instead Jesus gave me a tap out.

The Trouble With Coupons  from Hyperbole and a Half

Now I love me some coupons but there is a place and a time. I once got asked out on date with the line, "I have a coupon we can use." I also once got a coupon for Ralph's as a Secret Santa Gift. I was pissed.

That being said, I really really really want to see someone give a stripper a coupon for Applebee's.

*The See's Candy box is now empty. Emptying it was my only solution for implementing damage control.
**I didn't eat it all today. I've been nursing the box since last week. Is it too late? Did I chase all the men away?? Anyone? Anyone?