The Day Was A Good Day

May 24th is my birthday. It was a good day.

It began with this. 

I was waiting for Dave, he was taking me for a birthday breakfast. He was late. He finally came and we went to John O'Groats (aka John O'Goats). And it was good.

Then I saw this:

I politely inquired, "What is on your shirt?" The whole shirt was than revealed and we had a modest little chuckle.

The whole shirt:

In reality I heartily exclaimed, "What's on your shirt?" and then we both laughed very hard, very long and I very loud. It was a very very moment.

Then I got to work and saw this: sorry it's crooked can't get it to flip for some reason.

an hour later I saw this:

Yes those are my co-workers all wearing the same shirt. This isn't even all of them. Yes it took me an hour to realize they were all wearing the same shirt. I noticed it on the lady holding the glasses first. It took me a few seconds for my brain to figure out that 1) she was in fact wearing Dave's shirt 2) They did not know each other so there was no logical reason for her to be wearing the shirt 3) Dave set me up. 

I then yelled, "SHUT UP!!" and began to laugh very very very hard, very very very long and very very very loud. It was a very very very moment.

The entire office heard me laughing. That's how they knew I had found out. My laughing was the signal. And they all began filing in. THEY JUST KEPT COMING! The whole office. ALL wearing MY face on their shirts.  

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

This picture was actually taken at least two minutes in to me laughing. I just kept laughing and saying, "Where's my camera? Where's my camera?" They all just stood there exactly as you see them, watching me. 

Some of my co-workers took me to lunch. Connie was the only one brave enough to wear the shirt.

I was a little peeved. Not only did they not all wear the shirt but they completely disregarded my request to go to my favorite restaurant Tacomiendo and hijacked me to another for NO GOOD REASON. HArumph.

We than had gelato. I had Italian Love Portion. And it was good.

Sadly most of the other pictures that commemorate the night are on other cameras. But it did involve Tacomiendo for dinner, me taking half an hour to realize the Tacomiendo waitress was wearing the shirt, a table full of Trader Joe's (TJs) employees and yes I took a picture with them and last but not least boob jello with birthday candles as nipples. Cans this day have been any better? no. 

It was a great day. I might have even teared up a few times. I can't tell you the last time I felt that loved. 

Thank you party organizers. You are the best. Thank you so much for being my friends.

exciting!!

A high-speed rail that would go through Visalia! Exciting. Who ever made this map is stupid because they misspelled Tulare. Yes that's right it's spelled Tulare not Telare. Hopefully whoever made this map will have nothing to do with the development of the high-speed rail system.

I'm The Best!

Ran the Palos Verdes 1/2 Marathon on Saturday. A beautiful but beastly course. It's all hills. You are either running up or down never flat. Check out the elevation:

My friend Amy coerces me to run this race every year she is not pregnant, I've never run it well. Two years ago I tanked like I've never tanked before, seriously I had to walk a majority of the second half and was so sick after I almost passed out...I think I had a bit of heat stroke.

So I was a bit nervous.

 But this year. This year I did great! 2:10:13. A PR for me. Woot! Woot!

The winner of the marathon and I finished at the same time. I felt bad for him because I stole all the cheers that were rightfully his.

WHAAAAAAT? OKAY, Moments of Lil' Jon: How To Appropriately Express Incredulousness In Today's Modern World. Part 2

*This is part two of a two part series.

The second NPR story I'd like to discuss is titled "In Porn Industry, Many Balk At Condom Proposal". To sum up the story there is a call, mainly from a group called AIDS Healthcare Foundation, to mandate the use of condoms during the production of porn. As the title of the story suggests many in the porn industry are opposed to this.

To be honest my first thought was, "Who cares if porners use condoms." (i've just decided that porners is my name for those who star in porn films because let's be honest just because you are in one doesn't you a star make.)

But then I thought about it and realized that these people have a lot of sex with a lot of different people and not just with other porners, with regular every day people. AND it's not just HIV/AIDS, there are all kinds of STDs. lots of sex + lots of partners = increased risk of std. in my opinion: std + lots of sex + lots of partners = public health issue. Plus wouldn't it be really interesting to see what their risk management and workman's comp rules and regulations look like??

Anyway, why I now have an opinion on this matter really isn't the point of this post. The point are some choice tidbits that came out later on in the story. Here's the first...you ready for this??? I don't think you are...

Quote: "But many performers, both male and female, find it physically uncomfortable to do their jobs using condoms, says Vivid CEO Steve Hirsch."

WHAAAAAAT?!

I'm sorry. Can you repeat that? It's physically uncomfortable to use a condom????? Sadly NPR did not further explore that comment. I'm left to my own devices to figure it out...I think I'll write a letter.

Dear Porners,

I'm told that you find the use of condoms physically uncomfortable. This does not make sense to me. Don't you think protecting your health and that of others is worth a little physical discomfort? Be honest is it really that uncomfortable? While we are at it could you please explain to me how you being filmed performing explicit sexual acts isn't physically uncomfortable?

Please don't send pictures or video,

Tiffany

Okay we have that covered let's move on to the next tidbit.

begin quote
Most porn producers agree that these health risks are serious, but they don't think condoms are the solution. Hirsch says Vivid Video tried it before, for nearly seven years. "When we became a mandatory-condom company, we saw sales drop by about 20 percent," he says. Hirsch fears a condom mandate would wipe out the region's multibillion-dollar adult film industry. He says that California, where unemployment tops 12 percent, can't afford to lose more jobs.

end quote

WHAAAAAAT? OKAY!

Hirsch you are joking right?? Right??? Where's the hidden camera? Condom use shouldn't be mandated because of the recession?! California can't afford to to lose the porn industry?! 

DAMN the recession it screws everything!!! 

Maybe if the California government would have used protection we wouldn't be in the mess we're currently in. Ever think of that Hirsch? Huh? huh?

it blows

mother's day effing blows if you don't have a mom or if she's dead. that sentence might have been hard for some of you to read but get over it. imagine what it's like for those of us who have to live that reality. seriously it sucks.

back to mother's day: marketing is everywhere. BUY. FLOWERS. LOVE. CARDS. CANDY. HUGS. it's like valentine's day but in pastels.

even worse than the leading up is the actual day itself. [scoff] typical. i mean come on holiday couldn't you at least try to be original??

why is day of the worst ? because EVERYONE and THING is telling you to call your mom. including my email. the sounds and sites of the day are like this: call your mom. call your mom. call your mom. call your mom. call your mom. and i'm like. "ignore."  "huh? oh n/a  ignore."  "sigh. i can't. sniffle"  "back off. i can't!" and finally "she's dead!!" and then it just gets awkward.

i even ditched out on church completely yesterday to avoid it. church LOVES to make a big deal out of mother's day. i went to visalia to visit my brother and his kids instead. i arrived just as they were returning from church. (woot!) i asked my niece Chelsea what they did at church. (side note about this family, their mom basically abandoned them a few years ago.) Chelsea excitedly described how they made flowers for their mom's out of cookies and candy. then she said, "I was going to bring it home but then I ate it."

i laughed and gave her a high five. she's one smart cookie.

the worst part? there is now something glen beck and i agree on. DAMN YOU GLEN BECK. damn you.

but seriously mom. i love you and i miss you.

WHAAAAAAT? OKAY, Moments of Lil' Jon: How To Appropriately Express Incredulousness In Today's Modern World. Part 1

A few nights ago while driving to a friends house I was listening to NPR. I find the programming on NPR to be quite enjoyable and tonight was no exception. Two stories in particular caught my attention. 

*This is part one of a two part series.

The first is a discussion about soda in America. One of the guests, Gail Woodward-Lopez (Associate Director, Center for Weight and Health, U.C. Berkeley) really enthralled me. Her basic point is that our large consumption of soda directly links to the rise in obesity because 1) it has increased our caloric intake over all and 2) they are empty calories, meaning they provide little to no nutritional value.

"[People] don't compensate. So, for example, if you drink a soda or other sweetened beverage with your dinner, you dont eat less dinner because of that. Because it just doesnt have the same filling properties that other foods and beverages do."

"[W]hat we find is that when you take in something like a highly processed substance, such as sugar or high-fructose corn syrup, every other nutrient has been stripped. So basically, you're just getting calories."

Ms. Woodward-Lopez also defined drinking soda in moderation as no more than one (1) per week.

My reaction?! 
I WAS FIST PUMPIN' LIKE A CHAMP!!!  I was like, "YES! Gail you are so bril! I stopped drinking soda in high school. Wanna talk about moderation? How about 2-4 times a year! How ya like me now Gail?! I am way above the curve. Who's the best ever? ME. And whose the devil? SODA!"

NPR then brought out Dr. MAUREEN STOREY (Senior Vice President, Science Policy, American Beverage Association) for the rebuttal.

"BOO. HISS."

Maureen came out fighting. First thing she said, "[W]hats going on in America is that people are consuming more of everything and not exercising enough. Soda, she says, is not to blame." 

"What Maureen? Soda is not the devil?? We can't put all the blame on one thing? Our actions and choices as a whole are responsible for our physical and mental well being?"

My champ fist pumpin' quickly reduced itself to an awkward white girl raising the roof who just realized her actions weren't hip.

I agreed with Maureen. I began to question myself. Maybe I wasn't the best in the world as Gail had lead me to believe...

Thankfully Maureen kept talking: "Of nutritional value, there is either high-fructose corn syrup or sucrose, and that does provide energy or carbohydrates. And if we are active and need a refreshing beverage after a nice, long walk or a run, you can have a beverage and quench your thirst and stay hydrated."

WHAAAAAT?! OKAY!! 

Yeah. After my 9 mile run on Monday the first thing I sought was a can of Jolt and oh boy was it refreshing and nourishing. Maureen you crazy.

Gail was right. I am the best in the world.

YEEEAAAAAHHHHHH!