*WARNING* This is about sex so Laura you probably don't want to watch it. :)
Thursday, November 19, 2009
3153296673
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
an interaction
i was at a health fair at the va in long beach today. i had a lot of interesting interactions. below you will find some excerpts.
1st situation:
two security guards (both young men) insist on bringing me a slice of carrot cake. i take one bite, it's not very good so i don't eat any more. they walk by again and start giving me a hard time for not eating it. they walk away one comes back.
security guard: "yeah when ever people offer me cake i try to say no because you know it's just not good for you. i've really noticed the effects that stuff has on me too. last night i ran 1.5 miles and man towards the end of it could really see the impact of that stuff [sweets] because it gets rough and i want to die."
me: (in my thoughts) pfftt 1.5 miles. i ran 3.5 miles yesterday, so don't try to impress me with your 1.5 miles.
the security guards walk away and the woman at the table across from me, the same table that was serving the cake, says "those two [the security guards] are always together and they think they are the shit."
second situation
a 65 year old african american man wearing an olive colored polyester suite and a gold chain sees me throwing my mostly uneaten cake away.
man: "why aren't you eatin' that cake? watchin' your figure?"
me: "yes"
man: "why?"
me: "someone has to."
man: "it looks good to me."
me: "well i want to keep it that way."
man: "are there other people watchin' your figure?"
me: give no response. the man continues to stand next to my chair, neither of us saying anything.
man: "what's your name?"
me: "tiffany. what's your name?"
man: "008"
silence
me: "why is that your nickname?"
man: no answer
me: "is it because you are slightly better than 007?"
silence
man: "you single?"
me: "yes"
man: "why?"
me: "i haven't found him yet."
man: gives me a look like that says men are crazy because i haven't been scooped me up yet."i need to give them my glasses."
me: "yes. you should sell them."
man: "a heisman. they don't recognize a heisman when they see one."
me: "nope"
man: "i know a heisman when i see one. you're beautiful. you're a beautiful woman. you don't know how beautiful you are."
me: "thank you"
man: "i don't even have those glasses and i see that."
me: no response and lots of me awkwardly looking away and trying to start conversations with other people. then a list of questions get thrown at me.
man: "you work out? How often?"
"where you live?"
"you work here [at the va]?"
"when did you graduate ucla?"
"what was your major?"
me: "history"
man: "tell me something about my history?"
me: "um...you worked for the city."
man: looks slightly surprised. "did i tell you that?"
me: "nope" but he did.
man: "can i call you some time?" he starts to take out his phone.
me: "no"
man: "will you call me sometime?"
me: "no"
man: "so i can't call you & you wont call me?"
me: "no"
man: "you are a heart breaker." (this comment comes from a previous conversation between us in which i told him i was a heart breaker.) "why you gotta break my heart? I just put it back together a few months ago & now you are breaking it again."
me: (trying desperately not to say sorry because there is no reason for me to.) finally i say, "didn't intend to."
man has to leave for an appointment. i say "nice talking with you." and shake his hand. MISTAKE. he grabs it, holds tight and caresses it with his thumb.
yes that's right the brothers love me. which once again is why i thought the man in detroit was hitting on me instead of threatening to kill me.
can i get married now.
1st situation:
two security guards (both young men) insist on bringing me a slice of carrot cake. i take one bite, it's not very good so i don't eat any more. they walk by again and start giving me a hard time for not eating it. they walk away one comes back.
security guard: "yeah when ever people offer me cake i try to say no because you know it's just not good for you. i've really noticed the effects that stuff has on me too. last night i ran 1.5 miles and man towards the end of it could really see the impact of that stuff [sweets] because it gets rough and i want to die."
me: (in my thoughts) pfftt 1.5 miles. i ran 3.5 miles yesterday, so don't try to impress me with your 1.5 miles.
the security guards walk away and the woman at the table across from me, the same table that was serving the cake, says "those two [the security guards] are always together and they think they are the shit."
second situation
a 65 year old african american man wearing an olive colored polyester suite and a gold chain sees me throwing my mostly uneaten cake away.
man: "why aren't you eatin' that cake? watchin' your figure?"
me: "yes"
man: "why?"
me: "someone has to."
man: "it looks good to me."
me: "well i want to keep it that way."
man: "are there other people watchin' your figure?"
me: give no response. the man continues to stand next to my chair, neither of us saying anything.
man: "what's your name?"
me: "tiffany. what's your name?"
man: "008"
silence
me: "why is that your nickname?"
man: no answer
me: "is it because you are slightly better than 007?"
silence
man: "you single?"
me: "yes"
man: "why?"
me: "i haven't found him yet."
man: gives me a look like that says men are crazy because i haven't been scooped me up yet."i need to give them my glasses."
me: "yes. you should sell them."
man: "a heisman. they don't recognize a heisman when they see one."
me: "nope"
man: "i know a heisman when i see one. you're beautiful. you're a beautiful woman. you don't know how beautiful you are."
me: "thank you"
man: "i don't even have those glasses and i see that."
me: no response and lots of me awkwardly looking away and trying to start conversations with other people. then a list of questions get thrown at me.
man: "you work out? How often?"
"where you live?"
"you work here [at the va]?"
"when did you graduate ucla?"
"what was your major?"
me: "history"
man: "tell me something about my history?"
me: "um...you worked for the city."
man: looks slightly surprised. "did i tell you that?"
me: "nope" but he did.
man: "can i call you some time?" he starts to take out his phone.
me: "no"
man: "will you call me sometime?"
me: "no"
man: "so i can't call you & you wont call me?"
me: "no"
man: "you are a heart breaker." (this comment comes from a previous conversation between us in which i told him i was a heart breaker.) "why you gotta break my heart? I just put it back together a few months ago & now you are breaking it again."
me: (trying desperately not to say sorry because there is no reason for me to.) finally i say, "didn't intend to."
man has to leave for an appointment. i say "nice talking with you." and shake his hand. MISTAKE. he grabs it, holds tight and caresses it with his thumb.
yes that's right the brothers love me. which once again is why i thought the man in detroit was hitting on me instead of threatening to kill me.
can i get married now.
Monday, November 9, 2009
can you tell me how to get...
On November 10th Sesame Street will begin their 40th season. Sesame I haven't watched you in awhile but if you are still this cool keep it up because this is EXACTLY the kind of education I want my kids to have. For your betterment, watch the kid at 0:38 and 4:11.
Monday, November 2, 2009
In2Books
i just signed up for what seems to be an extremely cool volunteer opportunity and i think you should join too. It's called In2Books http://in2books.epals.com/login.aspx?ReturnUrl=/default.aspx. Basically it's a pen pal/book club between you and a student in elementary school.
you are matched up with a child who is either in the 3rd, 4th or 5th grade you both read the same books, picked by the child, through out the school year and then you write letters to each other about them. seriously could this opportunity be any cooler? i love to read. i love kids. i love being worshiped or a role model, whatever you want to call it.
SIGN UP NOW! they are taking applications throughout the month of november.
http://in2books.epals.com/login.aspx?ReturnUrl=/default.aspx
facebook: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=111486578993&v=wall&ref=mf
you are matched up with a child who is either in the 3rd, 4th or 5th grade you both read the same books, picked by the child, through out the school year and then you write letters to each other about them. seriously could this opportunity be any cooler? i love to read. i love kids. i love being worshiped or a role model, whatever you want to call it.
SIGN UP NOW! they are taking applications throughout the month of november.
http://in2books.epals.com/login.aspx?ReturnUrl=/default.aspx
facebook: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=111486578993&v=wall&ref=mf
Friday, October 30, 2009
Thursday, October 29, 2009
trying hard
where do i begin?!!! so i began this post with the intention of demonstrating how horrible i am at trying hard, with a humorous slant of course. then i thought, "isn't there a quote about trying hard and being successful?" so i googled "the harder you try" and guess what answers.yahoo.com had for me, "Why is it the harder you try the more it seems you fail?" as a resolved question nonetheless. who knew yahoo had the answers to my life!
this was the answer picked by the asker, "There's such a thing as trying too hard. Once that point is reached, the extra pressure you put on yourself begins to negatively affect your performance. It's a mental thing more than anything else..."
SNORE
i liked this answer by insanity better "because the harder you try the harder the goal is. you judge how big the goal is then try as hard and do as little as necessary to achieve that goal. if you try extremely hard at somehting easy like making cereal you wouldnt fail. but since we try hard at things that we see as tough like maybe acing our finals sometimes it is just out of our reach. its not that every time you try hard you fail, its that every time there is a tough goal to accomplish you try hard and sometimes it is out of reach. so if you try hard and you fail it is the goal that makes you fail."
thank you insanity. thank you.
now that we are all armed with these two spectacular answers let's get back to me. i too fail when i try really hard. for example, back in august my sister rahne came to visit. i don't know her very well and she is my big sis so i want her to like me.
my goal: impress her
action taken: tell her my roommate was black and that i say funny racists jokes to her all the time. this was all done within less than 10 minutes of her arrival. we were in fact still bringing in their luggage from the car.
thoughts?
this was the answer picked by the asker, "There's such a thing as trying too hard. Once that point is reached, the extra pressure you put on yourself begins to negatively affect your performance. It's a mental thing more than anything else..."
SNORE
i liked this answer by insanity better "because the harder you try the harder the goal is. you judge how big the goal is then try as hard and do as little as necessary to achieve that goal. if you try extremely hard at somehting easy like making cereal you wouldnt fail. but since we try hard at things that we see as tough like maybe acing our finals sometimes it is just out of our reach. its not that every time you try hard you fail, its that every time there is a tough goal to accomplish you try hard and sometimes it is out of reach. so if you try hard and you fail it is the goal that makes you fail."
thank you insanity. thank you.
now that we are all armed with these two spectacular answers let's get back to me. i too fail when i try really hard. for example, back in august my sister rahne came to visit. i don't know her very well and she is my big sis so i want her to like me.
my goal: impress her
action taken: tell her my roommate was black and that i say funny racists jokes to her all the time. this was all done within less than 10 minutes of her arrival. we were in fact still bringing in their luggage from the car.
thoughts?
i also took a picture of a bowl-legged man while we were on a hike.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
the www is my downfall
you ever have something really funny to say, so funny that you've even planned your blog post about it? that was me this morning towards the end of my 13 hour plane ride. i couldn't wait to get home and rip this blog out but the www refused to work for HOURS! torturous, i know.
i now realize that the majority of the humor was based off of the delirium of a long plane ride, sitting in the last row of the plane next to the bathrooms (lesson learned: always travel with personal sachet of potpourri. vicks vapor rub might actually be better, those fume forced eye closures might at least induce sleep.), watching 6 moives and not one minute of sleep. to sum up, i was cranky as hell. the woman two rows in front of me and her choice of head adornment almost pushed me over the edge.
in case you can't tell those are koala ears, which she wore throughout the plane ride and prior to boarding, who knows how long she had them on before that. lady you are 45 not 5 it's not cute just lame. i'm willing to bet that she also owns an embroidered mickey mouse denim shirt and bedazzled crocks.
i now realize that the majority of the humor was based off of the delirium of a long plane ride, sitting in the last row of the plane next to the bathrooms (lesson learned: always travel with personal sachet of potpourri. vicks vapor rub might actually be better, those fume forced eye closures might at least induce sleep.), watching 6 moives and not one minute of sleep. to sum up, i was cranky as hell. the woman two rows in front of me and her choice of head adornment almost pushed me over the edge.
in case you can't tell those are koala ears, which she wore throughout the plane ride and prior to boarding, who knows how long she had them on before that. lady you are 45 not 5 it's not cute just lame. i'm willing to bet that she also owns an embroidered mickey mouse denim shirt and bedazzled crocks.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Subscribe To
Posts
All Comments