Jesus Gave Me A Tap Out

Today is a day I am teetering between wanting to cry because I feel like the absolute most worst person in the world and wanting to rip people's heads off because they are absolute morons. All the while I am stuffing my face with See's candy* (thanks for that pound box Amy the 10 or so pieces I've had today are really putting me on the marriage track).

I feel like Chunk from Goonies:  "At 9:05 wished ill will on a loved one. At 9:05:32 envisioned exclaiming "nah na na na na" with relish. At 9:10 jealousy and envy burned within me. At 9:10:01 realized these are the reasons why no one loves me. WAAAAHHHH."

"Have I done any good in the world today?" NO! Strike me down Jesus. Strike me down! I am not of Thy flock...Lament. Lament. LAAAAment.

Instead Jesus gave me a tap out.

The Trouble With Coupons  from Hyperbole and a Half

Now I love me some coupons but there is a place and a time. I once got asked out on date with the line, "I have a coupon we can use." I also once got a coupon for Ralph's as a Secret Santa Gift. I was pissed.

That being said, I really really really want to see someone give a stripper a coupon for Applebee's.

*The See's Candy box is now empty. Emptying it was my only solution for implementing damage control.
**I didn't eat it all today. I've been nursing the box since last week. Is it too late? Did I chase all the men away?? Anyone? Anyone? 

Danny and Annie

In an era filled with divorce it's hard to believe that a marriage such as this is possible, it's so nice to know that it is. May we all strive to love as Danny and Annie do.


Danny & Annie from StoryCorps on Vimeo.

2 years: August 19, 2008

Here are some of the things you've missed mom.

I finally made it to DC

I celebrated Rahne's B-day with her and Kristen in Baltimore.

We elected our first black president.

I took a three week trip all by myself to Thailand...

and Cambodia. Check solo journey off of my bucket list.

I got a hair cut and my first set of highlights.

I bought an SLR camera and decided to learn how to take pictures....it's a slow process.

We went on a family camping trip. We really enjoyed ourselves?

I turned 31 and got 30 gifts from the 99 cent store!

Rahne and Kristen came for a visit!

I almost died visiting CC in Detroit.

We had a belly dancer at our apartment. HOT HOT HOT

Went Zorbing...

black water rafting in glow worm caves...

and went to jail...

in New Zealand.

I started wearing bikinis, I know you're not happy about that but what are you going to do about it?

Went snorkeling and rode a water slide (A LOT ) in the Great Barrier Reef.

Watched people take camel rides at a beach in Australia, we thought it was rather strange too.

Matthew and Chelsea spent Thanksgiving driving a golf cart,

doing the chicken dance,

and learning how to skate board.

Spent Christmas and

New Years in Germany 2010 from Tiffany Jordan on Vimeo.

New Years in Germany.

Thankfully we all survived.

Bubba died so we took Tannen on a trip to Salvation Mountain.

Jen and I took a photo exploration of Downtown LA.

We did cartwheels in the poppy fields,

I fell every time. Not successful once. Not. A. One.

Ran Ragnar again and helped our team start a rivalry with this other team.

Fox Crawling from Tiffany Jordan on Vimeo.

I taught a baby how to crawl.

Turned 32 and had the best birthday ever.

I went night swimming, got caught in a rip tide and almost died all while skinny dipping. Thankfully there are no pictures.

I went viral.

I successfully summited Mt. Whitney with Mike and Amy. I also got altitude sickness, I vomited six times shortly after this picture was taken.

Chelsea and I attend cousin Kelsi's wedding.

Grandma Jordan is still as short as ever.

We miss you and dad.

Damn. I got the wrong phone.

An Android user and a Mormon. So screwed (but not).



http://flowingdata.com/2010/08/11/iphone-users-are-more-promiscuous/